Healthy body, healthy spirit, healthy mothering. This is the journey I have set out on with my two amazing children.

Monday, November 21, 2011

Truly Thankful

We have 3 days until Thanksgiving 2011.  For the very first time ever I know 100%, with no doubt whatsoever, that I am truly thankful this year.

My inner shamemaker says "What.  The.  Hell.  You have two beautiful, healthy children.  You have a home.  You have family."

I know all of this.  I'm not saying that I'm not thankful for all of those things.  I'm not even saying that I haven't been thankful for them in the past.  This year is just different.

My little sis, my amazing, beautiful, strong, courageous 19 year old sister has joined the United States Army.  She is home for three weeks.  Then she heads overseas for a year.
This is why I know that I am truly thankful.  She is here.  She is strong.  She is healthy.  She is safe.  By the time Christmas rolls around I won't be able to say that for sure.  I won't know because she will be so far from me.

We are going to have a wonderful Thanksgiving celebration.  We are going to play games as a family.  We are going to laugh and argue about rules and have a blast in the borderline dysfunctional way that we always do.  We are going to decorate the crap outta my home while she is here.  We are going to celebrate Christmas before she leaves.

We are going to be thankful to have her here with us.  Healthy and strong and safe.

I am truly thankful this year.

Sunday, November 06, 2011

Questioning

I attended the labor of my newest nephew this week.  She rocked it and once again my disgust with the American labor/delivery medical system was reinforced.  She labored through their induction meds, she stayed away from drugs, she labored hard for nearly 12 hours and she still ended up in surgery.

The reasons why?  I guess that depends on who you talk to.  The Dr. will say her placenta was no longer working and that is why baby's heart rate dropped.  I would say they flipped her onto her back and told her to hold her breath, decreasing hers & babies oxygen, they told her to push against her bodies natural rhythm.

Who is right?  No way to know.  Does it matter?  Baby is healthy (thank God!), Momma will recover.

I just don't know if I can make this my life's work.  It is so draining.  Emotionally.  Physically.  I just don't know what to do.