Healthy body, healthy spirit, healthy mothering. This is the journey I have set out on with my two amazing children.

Friday, December 31, 2010


I will not make any New Year Resolutions.  Those are sure to be utter failures and I just don't need anything else to be down on myself about.

This year I am setting a couple goals for myself.

1.  I will start using coupons.

The one place I have any control over in my budget is in the area of groceries.  I can start spending less if I start paying attention to some basic coupons. I know too many people who say that it is possible to never pay for deodorant, shampoo, toothpaste & other necessities.  I don't eat the boxed foods anymore so a lot of those coupons are worthless to me but perhaps I can get some freebies for the food bank or homeless group I work(ed) with through church.

2.  I will not get another C.

This is going to mean I have to do some serious studying, get a tutor and work on my study skills but it is definitely possible.

3.  I will start a vacation fund.

This is for two different vacations.  I am going to take my kids to Disney World.  They are the perfect ages to go and that is a memory I really want us to have. Also, my mom had the idea that us girls should take a trip in 2013.  Just us girls, no spouses and no kids.  We will each write our dream foreign destination on a popsicle stick and the one that is drawn is where we will go.  Minimum of 4 days.  I am so excited!

4.  I will not eat fast food more than once per month.

This is a personal goal.  I spend too much money eating that crap and I need to stop.  My cholesterol is up again and this is the only thing that has changed.  I was eating WAY too much fried ick.

Do you have any goals for the upcoming year?

Friday, December 24, 2010

Happy Christmas Eve

I worked 95 hours in the past two weeks, took two finals and wrote one final analysis paper.

I am exhausted.

But tonight, listening to my kids & little sister giggling as Nevaeh writes her letter to Santa to put alongside his cookies, I feel peace.

We went to the Christmas Eve service at church and got to sing carols as a family.  I have the traditional peach french toast in the fridge waiting to be popped into the oven in the morning.  My coffee is measured and ready to be made.  The sugar cookie dough is chilling in the fridge.  The apples & carrots are cut up and put out for the reindeer.

All is well in my tired, little world.
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Saturday, December 18, 2010

I've lost my joy.

I am just so damn angry all the time.  I am cursing non-stop, even around the kids, which is just wrong.  The slightest thing sets me off.

I got some crappy medical news which just pisses me off.  Nothing I can do about that right now.  I go in for more tests in a couple of weeks.  Can't talk to the kids about it because they worry too much about being left completely alone as it is.

I have only been to church once in 4 months.  I don't want to get up and go.  My reason?  Why bother?  I pray.  I read my bible.  I do studies with my kids.  I attend church.  I teach Sunday school.  What do I have to show for it?  Peace that passes all understanding?  Hell no.  Some sort of inner calm knowing that the crap in this life is only temporary & I am working towards a long term eternal goal rather than focusing on the here & now?  Nope.  So why bother?  I feel like I have been trying & the church says you can't test God.  Well, years & years of no difference have taken their toll.  I'm over it.

I miss my sister & my nieces & nephews.  I hate that my baby nephew doesn't really know us.  Except for skype.  Woo.

I quit smoking which I guess is a positive thing but I sure do miss it.

I only got a C- in two of my classes.  TWO!  I may as well start wearing a freaking dunce cap.

I just can't find my damn joy.  I was always the person that dealt with the crap.  Life throws it at you and you just have to deal with it.  You can't change it so you need to wade through it.  Now I just want to wallow in it.  I am just so exhausted from trying to hold my head above it all and I can't see any glimmer of something better.

Does it get any better?