Healthy body, healthy spirit, healthy mothering. This is the journey I have set out on with my two amazing children.

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Open letter to a liar

Dear Sir,

Please stop whining about how difficult your life has been now that your dirty little secret is out in the open.  Did you choose to be unfaithful to your spouse?  Yes, you did.

Did you humiliate her?  Make her feel as if her whole marriage has been a lie?  Cause her to doubt herself as a woman, wife, mother, lover?  Again,  yes, you did.  Now, I know that there are those people who will say that you cannot cause your wife to feel anything, that she has to be responsible for her own feelings.  My response to them is simple.  Kiss ass.  Marriage is the joining of two lives.  Right or wrong, when we marry another person the majority of us starting thinking of ourselves as one entity.  'I' becomes 'we', as  in "we" don't like that restaurant or "we" are busy that night.  When you choose to be with another woman your wife automatically questions "What happened?"  What does she have that I don't?  What did I do wrong?  What went wrong?  What did he need that I wasn't giving him?  and the list goes on and on.

How difficult is it to keep your pants on when with another woman?  How difficult is it to NOT text sexual messages to a woman that is not your wife?  Seems to me all you had to do was NOT pick up the damn phone.  The easy thing to do was nothing.  Instead you chose to DO the wrong thing.  You physically went out of your way to keep in contact with the other woman.  You physically (emotionally, financially) went out of your way to hide this from your wife.  How could you possibly be so stupid as to think your actions were ok?

Are you really so daft as to think that your actions have caused problems solely between your wife and yourself?  What about your children?  What about those of us who love your wife and children?  What are we supposed to think about you now?  Do you honestly expect us to accept your "I screwed up. I am sorry." and simply trust that you won't hurt our loved one again?  My answer to this is simple.  Kiss ass.

You owe ALL of us an apology you jackass.  You broke all of our hearts.  You broke the trust of everybody involved.  Now we have to lie to your teenage daughter when she asks if we know why her dad is sleeping on the couch.  We have to bite our tongues when your nephew says how much he wants to be like you when he grows up.

You sir, are a donkey's ass.

Sincerely,

Tia

Wednesday, March 03, 2010

Gulp

This post is going to be about something I have never discussed in this blog.  It is a bit taboo, makes a lot of people uncomfortable to think about let alone discuss or expose to the world.  But, I have given this a lot of thought and I am just going to do it.

ok.

Here I go.

I am going to discuss my...


budget.

HOLY CRAP!  NO FREAKIN' WAY!  WTF!?!

That's right.  I live on a budget.  For the past 12 months I have been using the Dave Ramsey my total money makeover site to plan my spending.  Overall, it has been great.  Don't get me wrong, I hate budgeting.  I hate that I can't just spend and spend on anything that I want for my kids and myself.   However, I live in the little place called reality.  *sigh*

So here it is.  Last months budget.  Please don't judge.




Charity 10.00 0.00

Saving automatic withdrawal 2.00

Housing
     ADT Security 33.99
     Mortgage/Hoa 905.61
     Homeowners Insurance 36.92

Utilities
     AT&T 72.19
     Comcast 175.53 134.65
     Xcel Energy 187.93

Food
     Groceries 150.00 
     Eating out 150.00 30.00

Transportation 209.75

Clothing kids/laundry 20.00 10.00
Life Ins 37.85

Personal
     Blow 60.00 20.00  
     Babysitter 20.00 0.00
     Child Care 80.00 100.00  
     Cats 30.00
     Toiletries 30.00 15.00
     Allowances 29.25 0.00

Recreation 50.00 40.00

Debts
     Mom-transmission loan 10.00
     Student loan 5.00
     Visa-furnace 125.00 50.00


Grand total 2358.83 2080.89


When I try to take a look at my budget objectively it seems pretty tight.  The Ramsey program helped me to see where I am spending money and in the past year I have gotten life insurance, a home, an emergency fund and a security system.  These are all great things.  But along with the home I got a broken furnace which ate up my entire emergency fund plus I had to open a line of credit with Visa to finance the remainder.  Blech.  So I decided to take another look at that budget.  I have a guaranteed income of $2100 every month.  On top of that I am working extra hours at The UPS Store.  So I thought, just for kicks, I would see if I could get my budget down to only the $2100.  The resulting changes are the numbers in purple.  (I like purple so I thought, why not use a happy color while planning something that makes me want to cry?)  

I cut my Comcast bill by calling and canceling the DVR ($10/month) and I got the guy to give me a promo price for my bundled services saving me $15/month.  I also looked into installing a clothes line so that I can stop using my dryer so much.  This would save about $10-15 a month on the electric bill and has the added benefit of making my enviro-heart go pitty pat at the thought of using less petroleum (gas) and putting less yuck (very technical term) into the air.  I still need to do some more research on this and if it happens I will of course blog about it over at Momma Can Fix It.

Depending on the hours that I actually get at work (extra hours etc...)  I should have between $300-450 of money that I can put towards rebuilding my emergency fund.  I want that to be at least $1500 (the water heater is making horrible noises).  I have my income tax refund coming in soon so technically in about 2 months I should have $1500 in the bank.  Of course that is NOT going to happen.  Why?


  • Kelen has a birthday this month and while I am simply having a party at home it still costs money.  I'll say at least $100.  He wants to take 2 of his friends to see a movie.  If I can convince him to see Percy Jackson & the Lightning Thief (five buck club) I can save about $20 on tickets as opposed to Alice in Wonderland which is what he WANTS to go see.  Plus, I really wanted to go see that too.  :)
  • Nevaeh's birthday is in May...only 2 months away.
  • Murphy has been riding my ass for the past 6 months and I highly doubt he just plans on leaving me the hell alone.
  • That revised budget doesn't allow for me to pay a sitter except for work.  I may lose my mind if I can't escape run away from find some free time for myself away from the kids AND work responsibilities.
  • Budget also cuts the kids' allowances.  They may throw a hissy fit have a problem with that.
  • Am I really going to be able to stop eating out every time I am tired or have a test to study for?  
  • The kids have spring break coming up and I need to find daycare for an extra 5 days.  Why the frick can't their spring break coincide with mine?  Freakin' Murphy again, that's why.  
What can I say?  I am willing to try.  I need to try.  So, there you have it.  The way this momma spends her money.  What little of it there is.  Could I make more?  Of course.  But I have chosen to go back to college full time and I don't want to be in classes all morning and then work until 7pm.  By the time I fight traffic and pick up the kids it would be almost bedtime.  I wouldn't be the one making them dinner, helping with homework or why not say it?  Raising them.  I would be paying somebody else to raise my kids and I don't want that.  So we will stick to living super frugally (read cheap if you must) and someday.  Some far off day, things will improve financially.