Healthy body, healthy spirit, healthy mothering. This is the journey I have set out on with my two amazing children.

Wednesday, July 09, 2008

Is he ready for a commitment?

Well shit! I was 1/10 No wonder it didn’t work Current mood: disappointed

Well shit! My thoughts are in red.

Are you ready for a relationship that is going to lead somewhere without you being led on? Fucking-A I am. It's time to start weeding out the commitment phobics and put your time and effort into men that are looking for the kind of relationship you want -- one that has a future. I'm 33 years old. I deserve a fucking future. Here's what to look for:

1. His friends are married
If you are interested in a guy, check out his friends' left hands to see if they have wedding rings on. Research has shown that if his friends are already married, he's more likely to get married. If all of his friends are still single and in the "party-with-the-boys" phase, that's a bad sign. uhhhh he had absolutely no married friends. hell i think only one of 'em is even in a relationship.

2. He's financially secure
Studies show that men who own a home are more marriage-ready. A man who is generally financially stable, and has his ducks in a row, feels marriage is a practical next step for him. Well when he has a teaching job he really busts his ass...but the jobs are never long term...and was always talking of moving somewhere else for a job but never actually did it.

3. He pursues you
The guy who is commitment-ready is going to initiate doing things with you he was good at this if it was just to hang out with a bunch of other people...never with just me or my kids. If you're emailing him and he takes days to email you back, if you have to text him to find out where he is, if you are always calling him I quit calling him...he never freaking answered and if he did he was too busy with somebody else to talk to me...yet he could always answer the phone when we were together to talk to whomever had called, you're chasing a man who's probably not marriage-material. I am a moron.

4. He's willing to wait
Yes, research is telling us what we already know: If a guy gets to know you before getting intimate, he is more likely to commit. Oops. CHELSEY DAWN DO NOT READ THIS SENTENCE...WARNING! WARNING! I have been waiting desperately for him to show any physical interest in me for what seems like an eternity. Then suddenly in a "how did that happen?" moment, clothing is missing & 3 days later we break up. Am I that fucking repulsive?!? How am I seriously this fucking stupid? Shouldn't I have learned something by now?

5. He watches DVDs with you when you're sick
Taking care of you when you're sick shows that this guy isn't just in it for the fun and sex. If he wants to be with you in bad times, it's a sign he's in it for the long haul. Does "Call me when you feel better?" count as caring? :(

6. He gets to know your friends and family
A guy who is thinking long-term wants to truly get to know you. Seeing you interact with your family and friends helps him learn where you come from and more about who you are. The flip side of it is that he will also want you to get to know him! He'll want to see if you fit in with his family and friends. A guy who keeps you separate from the important people in his life is just playing around. He can't stand my family and didn't want me anywhere near his. Except perhaps when he was thinking about pissing off his mother (who hates me.) I did finally get to meet his friends but not til about 6 weeks before we broke up.

7. He says, "we" instead of "me"
When he switches from "me" to "we", that's a sign he's committing to you at a deeper level. If your guy is all, "I", "me", and "my" instead of "we" and "us" in conversations after you've been dating a while, his mindset is still in single guy mode. Yeah right! Break-up reason? He needs some space to figure things out for himself, about himself, by himself. Shit! I really am the worlds stupidest woman.

8. He's not afraid of compromise
A commitment-ready guy is going to ask your opinion, consult you about decisions he needs to make, and has the ability to meet you half-way. A bull-headed guy who needs everything his way or it's the highway, isn't ready for the compromise that's naturally part of a mature relationship. We had this one going for us at least. :) We could talk to each other about completely honest about what we were thinking/feeling. And where did that get me?

9. He doesn't need excuses
Commitment-phobic guys always have an excuse about why they can't be with you on Saturday night, why they didn't call, and why they aren't ready for a relationship right now. A commitment-ready guy doesn't need excuses, he just needs you. Hanging out with E,R or D. Gonna go to a bbq at so & so's...Need to clean my house...I'm too tired...going with the boys to Elitch's, fishing, hiking...hmmmm are you as disgusted with my stupidity as I am?

10. He likes being in a long-term relationship
Some men like being in a monogamous relationship and some don't. The sooner you realize and accept this the better. If he complains all the time about needing space, treats you like a giant burden instead of a gift time with me was the giant burden, there were so many more important priorities...not to mention my kids, apparently they are the biggest burden of all, and keeps talking about taking things slow any slower & he'd be a fucking snail, he's telling you he's not ready for a commitment. On the other hand, if he's done with the party scene, enjoys your "couple time" together what is this "couple time" you speak of?, and has a strong sense of family HA!, you've found a commitment-ready guy.

Oh my God! I should not be allowed to walk around unaided. I am clearly the stupidest fucking woman ever. Why am I so blind when it comes to love & men? I am more patient with this assface than I have ever been with anybody EVER! Why? Because I am a glutton for punishment? Am I an emotional masochist? Or just plain stupid? Why do I fall in love with men that are emotionally stunted? Why did I allow this man into my heart? I know better than that. Now I get to cry into a towel while hiding in the bathroom so that my children don't have to see momma so very upset. I need a freaking cigarette. How do I save my friendship with him? He is my best friend and all I want to do is drive to his house and punch him in the balls.

*Please realize that all statements made are on 3 hours of sleep...a midnight totino's pizza with my roommate who also just broke up with her man...& less than 24 hours after the break-up. I am pissed off, angry, sad, frustrated, upset, confused, hurt, disappointed, exhausted & unsure of any & all decisions I have made in the past 7 months.


Rodell said...

Sing it with me: The sun will come out tomorrow! Bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow, there'll be . . ."

Or something like that.

I'm sorry you're having a tough time. Try not to blame yourself and try to become resilient to the slights. This world sure isn't easy.

I hope things look better after you get a little sleep and that your luck starts to change.

You hang in there, Tia!

Tia said...

Oh My! I had forgotten all about this post. Not a very good introduction to me. I usually try to keep the cursing to a minimum. Sorry about that. This was some time ago and I have learned to use better judgment (I hope). Don't let this scare you from stopping by again!