Healthy body, healthy spirit, healthy mothering. This is the journey I have set out on with my two amazing children.

Sunday, July 27, 2008

thoughts for today

  • I lost another pound this week.
  • insomnia is back
  • i am still pining for a baby of my own
  • i need to start looking for new apartments/houses...i wanna move in october
  • school starts in less than 2 weeks for the kids :)
  • fuck you & your untouchable face :) great freakin' song lyrics
  • my cats are pouting because i have been spending so much time at monkeys house
  • i need to buy canned cat food & kitty litter but i am freaking broke
  • i need to buy school supplies for the kids
  • my car is acting up
  • i am 3 days behind in my bible reading...i have stayed at monkeys house for the past 4 days ...coincidence? :)
  • i made an awesome homemade tomato soup today. it was so very good & so very healthy but i also cheated & had a grilled cheese sandwich
  • i am heading out to have a cigarette as soon as i am done with this list :)
  • i am so in love with my new superhero nephew! he is amazingly adorably awesome!

Thursday, July 24, 2008

Eating healthy

Yesterday I had:
b: oatmeal w/ organic peaches, molasses & real maple syrup
l: homemade hummus w/ sundried tomatoes, artichoke hearts & garlic spread on a tortilla w/ romaine lettuce & carrots. It was soo friggin' yummy!
d: barbecued grilled chicken breast & fries
w: drank about 60oz

Today
b: eggs scrambled w/ garlic, carrots, onion & green peppers, 2 slices bacon, 1 slice spelt bread w/ applebutter & chia seeds
l: chicken tortilla soup w/ great northern beans, chai
d: Qdoba grilled veggie burrito w. pico. very good. also cheated & had a coke
w: not nearly enough. maybe 44 oz

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

a little bit of nothin'

-I am tired.
-My bro-in-law does not want to leave his wife & new son to go back to work
-My kids are getting on my nerves...altho they are really doing nothing wrong.
-I got asked out on a date. I said no. I am wondering why.
-I really, really, really, really want a cigarette
-I really, really, really, really want to get laid
-I have lost another 7 lbs
-My apartment smells like vinegar
-I make excellent hummus.
-I need to take a bath & shave my incredibly hairy legs.
-I am taking 4 kids to see "Horton Hears a Who" tomorrow. I can't afford to buy popcorn.
-I am wondering this...if I really do want to get laid why didn't I accept that dinner invite?
-I still need to read my daily bible.

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Day 7

Today is day 7. I did not blog yesterday, day 6, because I was at the hospital with Monkey. She delivered a beautiful 8lb 13oz baby boy I shall now call superhero. He is gorgeous. I cheated on my detox & paid desperately for it. Bad food now = the shits. YUCKO!

So for today. I got up and drank my lemon water. I actually enjoy this now. At first I thought it would make me ill as I generally HATE any type of flavoring in my water. My zrii showed up today, via UPS so I shall add some of that to my juice this afternoon. I took a quick shower & then juiced my watermelon. Now I have enough for today & tomorrow. I used my mocajete to grind some chia seeds and I added 1 TBSP to my watermelon juice per detox instructions. This is what I want to talk about. My little sis L told me "they aren't bad." She told me to soak them and when I went to drink them I wouldn't "even notice them. They get gelatinous."

GELATINOUS!??! WTF?!?





That is not a word I want associated with my foods. I don't like boba. I don't eat tapioca. I don't eat the nasty skin that forms on the top of pudding. Hell I don't really like Jello because the of the nasty-ass gelatinous texture. urp!

Do you see what those nasty little, gelatinous, mothertruckers are doing to my delicious watermelon juice? They gooped my shit all up! URP!! Looks like snot to me. I am not a chia seed fan, let me tell you. My tummy is now rumbly & I am forcing myself to drink this goop.

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Day 5

I made it through this horrible day. Barely. As if dads death wasn't enough to deal with a very close friend of my brother-in-law (Hoss) committed suicide today. July 14 should no longer exist. It officially sucks balls (and not in a good way.) So onto my detox.

I drank only juice today. I also slept from 3-5:30pm. I watched The Closer marathon on TNT. I went to a Cub Scout Committee meeting. I drank lots & lots of water. I lost 2 lbs. :) The detox continues.

Saturday, July 12, 2008

Day 3

Today went much smoother than I was expecting. I got up, drank 6 oz. warm water w/ juice of 1/2 organic lemon, took my shower. After the shower I drank my first glass of juice. Today was canteloupe juice. Not too bad. Unfortunately I don't have my Zrii to put in it yet but hopefully it will arrive this week. I drank probably 20-30 oz of canteloupe juice in the morning. Plus lots of water. For the afternoon I drank the carrot, spinach & apple juice I had made. This looked awful! Urp! But it tasted really good...at least until I added my sea minerals to it. UGH!!! those taste like shit. Not like crap. They taste like shit. Then drank lots more water. I had steamed veggies (yellow squash, zuchinni, onion), black beans, rice & pico de gallo w/ guacamole for dinner. Delicious!

I did weigh myself this morning. Still the same. I have not lost even a single pound in the last 4-5 weeks. Hopefully that will change, dramatically & quickly.

Friday, July 11, 2008

Day 2

So today was much more difficult. For more than just food reasons. It was extremely stinkin' hot. I promised Kelen that I would play baseball with him so I did. In 96 degree heat. Sheesh. If thats not love I don't know what is. Unfortunately we played at the park by monkeys which is also by b's parents which made me angry and I have reverted back to the wanting to punch him in the sack phase. :) I keep switching between-sad, fine & pissed off. So be it.

Food wise? Ok but not great.

Got up and drank my 2 glasses of water & a small glass of juice with my radiance C. Lunch was cherry tomatoes, cucumber & carrots with an asian ginger viniagrette. I prepared my juice for the next 2 days. Urgh! It is NOT attractive but it tastes ok. I have not gotten my supplements in the mail yet but I don't particularly want to wait for those before starting the cleanse. Dinner was more difficult as Hoss grilled. I had some steamed rice w/ tomatoes, celery, carrot, onion & garlic. I gave the meat I prepared for the kids to Monk. I cheated big time & had a goat pecker (pickle wrapped w/ cream cheese smeared ham. YUMMO! But not in any way healthy. Monk & I shared a strawberry cupcake, at least I only had half. I have not drank enough water today & have to be more vigilant about that.

I have to weigh myself tomorrow. YUCK.

Thursday, July 10, 2008

Food Beautiful

So I met with a nutritionist on Wednesday. She ran some tests to see what body systems are working optimally & what I need to improve upon. Well...nothing is optimal. :) My thyroid & lymphatic system are practically non-existent & there is a SEVERE iodine deficiency going on.



Here is the list of systems that are working at less than 50%: immune, digestive, lymphatic, vascular, urinary & skeletal. OOPS!

Working at about 50%: respiratory & nervous.

Working above 50%: only the endocrine system.



On the plus side. I have no cancer markers. Yay! That was my biggest fear in getting this testing done. That fear has kept me from going in for at least the past 6 months. So...it is done.



Now for the solution.



1-A 7 day mild cleanse/detox. This is basically a juice fast. I have to eat primarily raw foods for the next 3 days in order to prepare my body for this fast. Get extra rest during this time so my body can better heal itself. Drink a buttload of water.



2-After the cleanse eat a 60-70% raw diet. This will not be forever but for a couple of months I think.

-No dairy

-No meat

-No wheat

After the initial I can go to meat once a week, primarily wild caught fish.



3- Start taking nutrient/mineral products to bump up my bodily systems. I already ordered them from Sarah. Once I have them I will list their names & descriptions.



4-No more smoking! ARGHH!



5-Aerobic exercise 4x a week for 30-40 mins. I am already doing 3x a week at 20-30 mins so I just need to bump this up. This does not start until after the cleanse.



So this was Day 1: I slept in until 10am. :) I love that. Got up had my radiance C with some juice & a glass of water. Went grocery shopping for lots & lots & lots of fresh, organic veggies. Took my water bottle with me & drank as I shopped. Came home & made lunch for Nevaeh & myself. She had a peanut butter & agave nectar sandwich on sprouted bread with chicken soup, side of tomatoes & cucumbers. I had a veggie sandwich on sprouted bread. I used avocado rather than mayonaise to spread on the bread. Top that with some red lettuce leaves, tomato slices, cucumber slices & a dash of sea salt. I had tomatoes & cucumber & avocado on the side. Delicious! Looks pretty good huh? Dinner was a turkey tenderloin in a lemon garlic marinade for the kids. They also had pasta w/ a white sauce. I made a very simple salad w/ red leaf lettuce, carrots, tomatoes & cucumbers. I sauteed some mushrooms, garlic & onion for myself rather than the turkey tenderloin. But I must admit I cheated and had a small taste of the turkey. :) What can I say? I smoked my last cigarette & so far have had about 54 ounces of water. Sheesh! I am getting the kids ready for bed so that I can take a nice relaxing hot bubble bath and go to bed early. If I am asleep I cannot crave the things I can't have. What things? Hmmmm...cigarettes, some of the vodka in the fridge (its my roommates not mine), a cookie, the leftover turkey, a man (at this point any man would do-I always crave what I do not have) or the leftover pasta.

Wednesday, July 09, 2008

Is he ready for a commitment?

Well shit! I was 1/10 No wonder it didn’t work Current mood: disappointed

Well shit! My thoughts are in red.

Are you ready for a relationship that is going to lead somewhere without you being led on? Fucking-A I am. It's time to start weeding out the commitment phobics and put your time and effort into men that are looking for the kind of relationship you want -- one that has a future. I'm 33 years old. I deserve a fucking future. Here's what to look for:

1. His friends are married
If you are interested in a guy, check out his friends' left hands to see if they have wedding rings on. Research has shown that if his friends are already married, he's more likely to get married. If all of his friends are still single and in the "party-with-the-boys" phase, that's a bad sign. uhhhh he had absolutely no married friends. hell i think only one of 'em is even in a relationship.

2. He's financially secure
Studies show that men who own a home are more marriage-ready. A man who is generally financially stable, and has his ducks in a row, feels marriage is a practical next step for him. Well when he has a teaching job he really busts his ass...but the jobs are never long term...and was always talking of moving somewhere else for a job but never actually did it.

3. He pursues you
The guy who is commitment-ready is going to initiate doing things with you he was good at this if it was just to hang out with a bunch of other people...never with just me or my kids. If you're emailing him and he takes days to email you back, if you have to text him to find out where he is, if you are always calling him I quit calling him...he never freaking answered and if he did he was too busy with somebody else to talk to me...yet he could always answer the phone when we were together to talk to whomever had called, you're chasing a man who's probably not marriage-material. I am a moron.

4. He's willing to wait
Yes, research is telling us what we already know: If a guy gets to know you before getting intimate, he is more likely to commit. Oops. CHELSEY DAWN DO NOT READ THIS SENTENCE...WARNING! WARNING! I have been waiting desperately for him to show any physical interest in me for what seems like an eternity. Then suddenly in a "how did that happen?" moment, clothing is missing & 3 days later we break up. Am I that fucking repulsive?!? How am I seriously this fucking stupid? Shouldn't I have learned something by now?

5. He watches DVDs with you when you're sick
Taking care of you when you're sick shows that this guy isn't just in it for the fun and sex. If he wants to be with you in bad times, it's a sign he's in it for the long haul. Does "Call me when you feel better?" count as caring? :(

6. He gets to know your friends and family
A guy who is thinking long-term wants to truly get to know you. Seeing you interact with your family and friends helps him learn where you come from and more about who you are. The flip side of it is that he will also want you to get to know him! He'll want to see if you fit in with his family and friends. A guy who keeps you separate from the important people in his life is just playing around. He can't stand my family and didn't want me anywhere near his. Except perhaps when he was thinking about pissing off his mother (who hates me.) I did finally get to meet his friends but not til about 6 weeks before we broke up.

7. He says, "we" instead of "me"
When he switches from "me" to "we", that's a sign he's committing to you at a deeper level. If your guy is all, "I", "me", and "my" instead of "we" and "us" in conversations after you've been dating a while, his mindset is still in single guy mode. Yeah right! Break-up reason? He needs some space to figure things out for himself, about himself, by himself. Shit! I really am the worlds stupidest woman.

8. He's not afraid of compromise
A commitment-ready guy is going to ask your opinion, consult you about decisions he needs to make, and has the ability to meet you half-way. A bull-headed guy who needs everything his way or it's the highway, isn't ready for the compromise that's naturally part of a mature relationship. We had this one going for us at least. :) We could talk to each other about anything...be completely honest about what we were thinking/feeling. And where did that get me?

9. He doesn't need excuses
Commitment-phobic guys always have an excuse about why they can't be with you on Saturday night, why they didn't call, and why they aren't ready for a relationship right now. A commitment-ready guy doesn't need excuses, he just needs you. Hanging out with E,R or D. Gonna go to a bbq at so & so's...Need to clean my house...I'm too tired...going with the boys to Elitch's, fishing, hiking...hmmmm are you as disgusted with my stupidity as I am?

10. He likes being in a long-term relationship
Some men like being in a monogamous relationship and some don't. The sooner you realize and accept this the better. If he complains all the time about needing space, treats you like a giant burden instead of a gift time with me was the giant burden, there were so many more important priorities...not to mention my kids, apparently they are the biggest burden of all, and keeps talking about taking things slow any slower & he'd be a fucking snail, he's telling you he's not ready for a commitment. On the other hand, if he's done with the party scene, enjoys your "couple time" together what is this "couple time" you speak of?, and has a strong sense of family HA!, you've found a commitment-ready guy.

Oh my God! I should not be allowed to walk around unaided. I am clearly the stupidest fucking woman ever. Why am I so blind when it comes to love & men? I am more patient with this assface than I have ever been with anybody EVER! Why? Because I am a glutton for punishment? Am I an emotional masochist? Or just plain stupid? Why do I fall in love with men that are emotionally stunted? Why did I allow this man into my heart? I know better than that. Now I get to cry into a towel while hiding in the bathroom so that my children don't have to see momma so very upset. I need a freaking cigarette. How do I save my friendship with him? He is my best friend and all I want to do is drive to his house and punch him in the balls.

*Please realize that all statements made are on 3 hours of sleep...a midnight totino's pizza with my roommate who also just broke up with her man...& less than 24 hours after the break-up. I am pissed off, angry, sad, frustrated, upset, confused, hurt, disappointed, exhausted & unsure of any & all decisions I have made in the past 7 months.