my brain hurts. my head hurts. my stomach hurts. my heart hurts.
I just spent the past 2 hours scrubbing the kitchen, blaring Coal Chamber, The Doors and NIN. Good news: The floor has been mopped. The walls are cleaned. The microwave is clean. The stove vent is clean. The cupboard doors are clean. The top of the fridge is clean.
Bad news: I am still upset.
Have I been wasting my time? I do not know.
I don't like thinking about all of the reasons a man would have to think twice about being with me. I know I come with baggage. I know that I am a single mom with two YOUNG children. I know what I look like. I just don't like second guessing myself. Am I that repulsive? Are we that bad? Am I that bitter and hateful? Am I that boring? Are my kids really a problem or are they just being kids?
Linda brought me some chocolate (which was very sweet of her) but if I eat it I will throw up. She said she will watch the kids tomorrow afternoon so that I can get out for awhile. I think I will take her up on that. I just need some time to myself. Perhaps Barnes & Noble, a good book and some chai tea will help to clear my head.
I need to cry.